Saturday, October 23, 2010
A Tantrica's Yoga Practice & being a Sexual Advocate Out in The World
There is a fine distinction between being the role of student and the role of teacher, however, sometimes things happen and you can't but be your true self!
I went to an Anusara Yoga class this morning, as a student, and being the fully expressed breather that I am, I came to find that it triggered some people and "disrupted" them in the class.
I did the normal practice that everyone does. I followed the instructions on each and every pose, and very shortly after class started, my breath started to expand to its full capacity. It doesn't take long for an avid Tantrica and advocate to start moaning and groaning to practically anything that feels good in the body. I being the case, I started to breathe heavily, being so fully present and joyous to what I was experiencing I didn't notice anything going on around me.
After about an hour, when I started giggling and taking deep sighs and layed there in half straddle after a back bend pose, the assistant teacher came over to me. She guided me to move my feet closer together to go back up in the back bend, and I really wasn't paying any attention at all to the seriousness of her or the rhythm of the rest of the class. I went out of focus and came to that euphoric place of bliss and just stayed still smiling. She looked at me again, "just move your feet closer together...a little closer." I said okay, taking a momentous breath and pushed myself back up in the back bend.
After a few minutes, I contemplated having a conversation with the teacher on asking her to "let the class know before you start that there is a Sex & Bliss Coach and Tantra Teacher visitor with us today, so if you hear extra sounds of breathing that is the reason." Instead, she told me that she had heard from quite a few people that my breathing was disrupting the others from experiencing their own breath and being in their own body. She asked me if I could, as a teacher, take the higher road and hold back my breathing to its capacity and just breathe in a normal rhythm. I felt that this would be suppressing to my own joy and I get a lot of joy out of doing a normal yoga class; perhaps much more than the average yogi.
I thought for a moment and said, "well, I could perhaps breathe out of my nose instead of out of my mouth." She said, "when you are the teacher, you can teach any way you want, but when you are wearing the students hat, I'd prefer you do your deep breathing practice at home and control your breath when you are here."
I said, "you're awesome, and I wouldn't want to not come to your class." She said, YOU'RE awesome and it was really thoughtful of you to come up to talk to me about this. And, ya know when I'm at home in my own practice, I let myself go there, but around others its different. Just think about it. It's something to meditate on."
It is something for me to think about, however, I would in no way choose to suppress my breath; especially when it comes naturally. Doing Yoga is a practice that naturally opens the breath, and if other people are not as expanded in their own bodies I cannot control that. However, what I can do is teach others how to expand themselves so they can have the full body experience that I have. So what I am taking out of this experience is perhaps, that yes, I am truly meant to start teaching Yoga Classes in a Tantric tone, and find avenues to do this, I have a gift to help women feel more comfortable in their bodies, I definitely need to go to another studio that is more liberal, and seeking for other alternatives of sharing myself and having a yoga practice is key. It sure is much more fun to do yoga with other people, but not if you have to change your identity in the process.
I totally love this teacher and love Anusara Yoga. So, I will try that nose breathing as a compromise next time, and if I still am disruptive, I suppose I'll seek yoga elsewhere! As a Tantrica, when you nose breathe and you are connected to your sexual kundalini energy and breath, even the nose breathing isn't so quiet! The humming and vibrational tone that comes from the throat can be just as loud, and I will consider other options.
Everything IS a choice. When it comes to choosing between feeling orgasmic or suppressed, and you have a choice, as a Tantrica I'll make the moans. It's much more fun, and as a Practitioner and Teacher, sometimes being self-less is the better option, AND the moaning can also be the teaching. It all depends on the audience.
I'll keep you posted!
Keep on being your true self. If you don't no one will know what you have to share with the world!
The most liberal yoga studio I know of in all of Philadelphia is Studio 34. When it comes time for me to teach my classes, this is the 1st place I will go.