A true Tantrica's Journey

If you are truly on the path of tantra, you will not find it an easy journey. It is actually the most challenging, difficult and psychologically draining journey you could ever possibly travel on. You go from the absolute extreme emotions of utter bliss, ecstasy, full body whales of sighing passion to the deepest and most dark places of sadness, gloom, misery, depression, releasing whatever and wherever emotions that have been pulled up from the deepest core inside of yourself.

It took me 5 years of being on this Tantra Path to put words to this journey, but a warning or perhaps a reminder, that this is, if you choose to truly embark on the depth of what tantra offers you, the most challenging journey you could travel.

(Meaning if you truly do the tantra practices exactly as they are meant to be done. There are milder versions of them if you are not ready, which I teach as well, but being a Goddess and Tantra Practitioner, I don't play small. I dive in and do them exactly as they are meant to be done. Yes, I used to have that old sticker on my car as a teenager and young 20s girl NO FEAR! Well, you literally have to have No Fear when you dive into Tantra, because diving into tantra IS like diving into the deep end of a pool, your own pool that is of your own self; the shadow self of the unconscious mind.)

I was in this blissful place over the summer. I was feeling really good, excited about life, making goals and starting to work on them (i.e. one of them was to start a Tantra Community here in Philadelphia with a huge list of details to go underneath it to make it happen). I was in the SELP course through Landmark Education. I was doing my private sessions to the best of my ability with a 3 day a week schedule from taking care of my toddler half the week. I was pretty much high on life. And, then, all of a sudden, I made a drastic decision. I decided to go to my semi-annual Tantra Community event with my tantra family. We met in NY in the middle of nowhere, 2 hours west of the city, at this bed and breakfast place. There was about 35 or 40 people total at this event. It was pretty cold, and few wanted to drive (I was one of maybe 4 or five people who drove), and the rest took a shuttle bus from NY city. Some flew in from out West; actually most flew in from AZ, CA, and other places in the US. But this is my tantra family, or what I consider my tantra family, and I wanted to be with them.

The cat that threw my reality off kilter was my beloved, amazing that is, Tantra Teacher & Practitioner, Lawrence Lanoff. This guy is the most evolved man I have met on this planet. Talk about wisdom and transformation. If you want to change anything in your life, and throw yourself into a gutter of darkness to face whatever patterns have kept you from avoiding the reason why you are miserable or frustrated in your current situation; this guy will throw you off your rocker and turn your whole world around. That's what he did for me; in the mildest of expressions!!!! I did a breathwork exercise with him in NY, this past Oct. And, every time I go to a Conference, he leads a new breathwork exercise I learn at the conference, usually in Sedona, AZ in the spring and somewhere on the East Coast in the fall. And, he blows my mind; literally. Now, what's good is that I can take these teachings and then turn them over and teach them all to you, which I have done over the years, but this time, his teaching, and my taking it on, threw me in a whirlwind, of the deepest depression I have ever been in my life. I went into my own darkness. It's the core of the pit of your own armoring that is carrying your body frame in its particular way of holding patterns, the way you walk, your mannerisms, the way you stand and hold your posture, the way your head turns on a certain angle and how you look at the world and how the world then looks at you. ALL OF THIS, LET ME TELL YOU COMPLETELY CHANGES FROM WORKING WITH THIS MAN!!!

I then did my powerful Tantra Breathwork, which I call Tantra Psychotherapy, practices of Tantra I learned from Laurie Handlers, years ago, to release all of the deep emotions that came up from Lawrence Lanoff's powerful tantra breathwork exercise. Now, each of the breathing exercises are COMPLETELY different, and they all do completely different things!!! How do you compute that? Well, if you really tried it, you would know what I'm talking about!!! So, I used Laurie's Butterfly Workshops Tantra exercises to release what came up (rage, sadness, depression, sorrow, misery, confusion, paranoia, etc), which took about 2 months of doing all these practices religiously and then 3 days ago did Lawrence Lanoff's powerful breathing practice again, and WHAMMMM, would you know, I am feeling wildly passionate, energetic and open as ever again. Like the tiger prowess coming back to life. This Tantra path makes you think you have some serious emotional issues, but in actuality, what it does it remove those serious emotional feelings that cause you to live in a rut and unhappy with your life. They appear to be even more powerful than Psychotherapy itself, but I will not negate psychotherapy at all; however, the combination is mind blowing, and if your heart is closed, you are living in fear, have some scars from abuse, or frustrated in a relationship, and you take tantra to heart, and truly use the practices to help you, it will not only help you. It will liberate your entire body, and your entire soul!

God Bless You, and I hope for you that you do the practices to empower yourself, but be sure to have a practitioner by your side, at the phone, or contact in any way you can for support while your life shows up in your face and makes you look at yourself at what you have been covering for years. You can heal your whole life with Tantra. I am living proof of that!

I am now back, alive, open, awake in my heart, body and soul! And, it feels damn good to be here!

Happy Holidays!

Erotic Literary Salon

I did my first live performance last night at the Erotic Literary Salon. I was extremely nervous, but went ahead anyway. There was 40 people in the audience and I had my long time friend of 14 years at my side. She read erotic poetry, while I, led everyone into a relaxed state of the breath, sang chants to vibrate the entire room, and lead the group into a Kundalini Awakening Breathwork Exercise that was a mini version of the ones I do in session, and I concluded it with my own poem. The response was fabulous and they want to see me again, plus I got an offer to use someone's space for teaching other classes, and was recognized for my singing voice! It was a great turnout! Here is the link for the information of the Erotic Literary Salon.

The founder said she felt like she just did Breath Aerobics, and someone else said that they were brought to tears! I was as loud as I am in private session, and kept my eyes closed and did the exercise with as much passion as always! It was excellent!!!!

Namaste!

http://www.meetup.com/The-Erotic-Literary-Salon/calendar/11899777/

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The Ultimate Spiritual Healing Bliss Pamper Treatment

30 minutes of Consultation
30 minutes of Hug Therapy
1 hour of Reiki or other form of Energy Healing
1 hour of Shiatsu Massage, Jin Shin Do or Thai Yoga Massage Bodywork
A Total of 3 hours of Bliss!
$240 to $300 sliding scale depending on circumstance.
This breaks down to at best $80.00 an hour. A maximum total of $210.00 savings


The Ultimate Tantra Healing Ecstasy Pamper Treatment

30 minutes of Consultation
30 minutes of Hug Therapy
30 minutes of Reiki or other form of Energy Healing
20 minutes of a guided Tantra Breathwork Practice and Instructions of how to do it
(specific breathing practice will be chosen depending on goals and issues that are
communicated during the consultation)
1 hour of Deep Tissue Massage, Shiatsu, Thai Massage, Jin Shin Do or Tantric Massage
while incorporating the breathing practice taught prior to the start of the massage
A Total of 3 hours of Ecstasy!
$300 to $400 sliding scale depending on circumstances
This breaks down to at best $100.00 an hour. A maximum total of $150.00 savings


The Ultimate Emotional Healing Tantric Psychotherapy Treatment

30 minutes of Consultation, or longer if needed
10 minutes of Eye Gazing Deep Breathing Practice
30 minutes of Energy Balancing, Chakra Balancing, Chanting Emotional Release
& Energy Balancing Technique
30 minutes +/- of EFT, Matrix Work, IET (Integrated Energy Therapy) or Sound Therapy (screaming primal animal sounds, punching the floor or air in front of you while releasing anger, sounds and facial expressions, to Powerful Emotional Release Shamanic Puking Exercise!
1 hour of Tantra Shamanic Breathwork, Ocean Breath or Powerful Guided Kundalini Awakening Breath from my Master Teacher (several kinds available to use)
Will Total to 3 Hours of Complete Awakening!
Excellent for those who are ready to take on their emotions, willing to admit their anger or sadness, and want to be empowered to be free of their feelings!
Also fantastic for those going through major changes and transitions in their lives, or for those who are willing to step up to the next level of their evolution!
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Business Goals, Personal Goals & Leadership

Thank you for finding me here, and if you have known me since I started my Healing practice in Tantra in Oct. of 2005, thank you for staying committed to me as a client and as a friend! If you have known me since I started my spiritual healing practice in 2001, God Bless you. Loyalty and friendship are very important to me, and the process of growth while staying connected to those who have helped you or become friends with you along the way, is a treasure no money can buy!

As I completed the Landmark Curriculum for Living and as they exclaimed, "You Graduated" on Oct. 28, 2009, I came to many of the awareness's I wrote in a previous blog on here. My most recent course was called The Self Expression and Leadership Program, and in this course, you create a project to make manifest in your life and most intimately in your community. It gives you a chance to see where in your life you are stopped from taking the action steps to make your goals and dreams a reality. And, in seeing where you get stopped in doing the responsible tasks for this project you create, you also see where you get stopped in taking the steps you need to make possible for your personal life. In doing this program, it was not about the project, for me, but it was about my life, my role in my life, and who I have become as a participant in it. It made me look at myself in the most profound, yet most fulfilling ways, that I couldn't help but evolve and grow as a person. For many in this program it brought people to a place of living their dreams. However, some people have layers to peel, as I do. In the end, it taught me what my patterns were that were destructive and unhealthy and that I knew deep inside myself I wanted to change. Those patterns I discovered were in the previous blog, however, with this awareness comes new action steps for making those goals a reality.

This is where my next step in evolution comes in. I registered for the Introduction to Leadership Program for March of 2010 and was accepted. I am so excited to start this program. It is a 7 month commitment, every Friday evening, and one other 3 hour commitment every week wherever you can fit it in. I will be doing that other 3 hour commitment on Wednesday evenings. This program is about your life. It is the beginning training program to all Leadership programs in Landmark Education, and the program that everyone who wants to become Leaders in Landmark need to take; however, it also creates a real possibility of becoming leaders in the world as well. You become empowered and fulfilled on what really matters to people. It causes and sees that what matters to you and what you are here for happens. It is about getting completely and totally resolved in every area of your life you are stopped, where you are resigned, resentful, or any other emotion that keeps you from living the life of your dreams. The 5 main areas it affects are - 1. Remarkable Contribution to the world, 2. Full Blown Self Expression, 3. A Future of Extraordinary Accomplishment, 4. Bold Leadership and 5. Representing Landmark Education.

My goals since I was a little girl was to be a writer, a singer and an actress. In taking on this next step in Landmark Education, my dream is to make one of these parts of my soul truly manifested. If I only accomplish one of those three things, I will feel complete in this lifetime.

During this break from the graduation of the SELP to the start of the ILP, I am working on healing myself at an extremely profound level. I am facing the darkness and preparing my heart, body and soul, for the next huge initiation phase I will be taking on; a role in Leadership in helping others heal themselves in areas I had to overcome. Even though I am still healing, it doesn't stop me from helping those who need me, and it gives me a reminder that I have so much to offer.

My hope by the end of the ILP program is that I will have started the hugging classes, started to teach Yoga classes, created a Play Group for my son, and be well on my way to being published.

All my Love,

Asttarte

Tantra and Spiritual Healing - My Journey

My hope in sharing this, is that for those who would want to work with me, and who are ready I inspire them, and for those who are not ready to work with me, perhaps this may push you away, but it feels really good in writing this, and being completely authentic with my truth! Happy Reading, if you choose to! :-)

This journey has not been an easy one. I, as a practitioner, got into this work for many multifaceted reasons that spirit gave me a huge kick in the ass, and made sure I heard the message loud and clear. If I did not listen I do not know where I would be right now.

I stumbled upon this journey when I had a major accident back in 1994. I fell on my head in a mosh pit at a concert called Lollopalluza, that if it wasn't for some miracle of a person's hand grabbing my ankle, I may have been paralyzed. However, due to the fact that I had been a major athlete all throughout high school, my muscles were ripped from my head to my toes, and this fall alone, caused all of my muscles to tweak their direction, and my entire ribcage was tilted, my spine forced sideways almost causing a scoliosis effect, and my neck being unable to hold itself up straight and look forward without turning it on an angle towards my shoulder. I slept for one whole year in bed all night long, with my knees bent, buttocks on my heels and my head rested on the pillow. At the time, I had never heard of chiropractic. I had only been cracking my own spine whenever I felt the urge or the pain too difficult to sit with it. I did this cracking of my spine on my own for three years, until I returned home from living out in MO, and stumbled upon the journey of what my roommate at the time called the miracle chiropractic treatment. I had never been to a chiropractor before, and did not know anything about it. This then lead into the beginning of my spiritual healing journey, and my initial reason in starting it; my health.

My initial reason for starting my journey was to heal the intense and insane amount of pain in my back; mostly what I called grapefruit sized muscle knots that spasm-ed every hour or every half an hour uncontrollably without warning and with very few breaks in between. The original chiropractor I saw put my spine back in a normal alignment, however, with a normal alignment and the intense tightness that my muscles were carrying, my muscles had no idea of how to relax from the complete solid fascia, and the crooked place my rib cage and spine wanted to stay in. I later called this muscle spasm attack fibromyalgia. This muscle spasm adventure lasted about 3 years of excruciating pain, and 4 more years after that of medium pain, to two years after that mild pain, and as of the past 3 years, no pain except on very far and few occasions. Now it is manageable, and the most I need to go to the chiropractor is once every month or two. And believe it or not, chakra balancing meditations and tantra breathwork practices will often get rid of the pain and instead bring me bliss.

My conclusion as to why I had this pain in my body is not because of an accident at a concert, but because of a lifelong journey of child abuse that was energetically stored in my muscle tissues. If I had never had that accident, I may not have ever known that I needed to heal what had happened to me as a young girl, and the role I took on in order to survive.

After coming to a place of balance, or a manageable situation with my muscles, I then stumbled upon Tantra. This was the next level of my intense healing journey.

The Tantra path helped me to create deeper connection to a boyfriend I was with when I first discovered it. Then it helped me to really let him go after the relationship ended. Then the Tantra practices helped me to open up myself to polyamory or open relationships so I could enjoy many different types of people and release the fear of abandonment, and the jealousy and possessiveness that most monogamous relationships are stuck in. This lead me into taking on the role as a Sacred Sexual Healer and Dakini. The powerful Tantra practices also helped me to be open to letting go of any guilt I may have had for allowing myself to be intimate with more than one lover at a time. It was very helpful when dealing with a serious relationship that did not fulfill me in my desires or needs, but where the love was still there and the relationship wanted to continue, however, with letting go of any expectations that it would give me what I wanted. It also allowed me the ability to function when the current partner wanted space and needed to be on his own.

Once I began the Tantra path, a rape happened. This was a reminder that I had not completed the rapes that happened during my high school, and that perhaps the core underlying the rape was not about a physical violation, but more about an energetic violation from the parents who were supposed to have taken care of and offered me, a young child at the time, a level of love all children need and deserve. The Tantra path, EMDR in Psychotherapy and the Landmark Education program healed me completely of the rape. However, after all these years, a new layer of healing is needed; a long awaited journey of healing the wounds from severe child abuse; where a deep long term relationship with any other human being obviously distracts me from facing, as merging with another fulfills my need for love temporarily. However, the frustration of the abusive relationship only keeps me in the pattern of avoiding why I attracted them in the first place. Giving myself the love that I need, filling the void that has been attempted to be filled by those unable to love, and getting completely healed at the core with the abuse from my mom and grandmother and absence from my father is where the power lies. My journey is in becoming the parents I wish I had, and being powerful enough to end the family history of abuse, and be a stand to love my own child in a way I wish I was. This is now where I stand.

After returning home from the Sacred Sexual Healers Conference this past Oct. 2009, I realized the deep patterns that I had been living in all these years. I learned how to love others as my way of dealing with the lack of love I had received. I learned that by loving others, I got a small amount of love that my heart was aching for. I did not know I was living in this pattern for the past 20 years until the past 2 months. My ability to love is so powerful, yet I have never truly been loved myself. I realized that I sought out men who were so in need of love, that I deprived myself the opportunity to receive it. I tried loving the poison out of these men, as my desperate attempt to receive love, from people who obviously were completely incapable of giving it.

I have chosen to take a step back, and no longer enter the realm of relationship with another; taking a break and instead protect my own energy to where it once got distracted by merging with another. Most of those who have entered my life have been seriously abusive and unable of giving me love in return, and my desire is in no longer being someone's mother to nurture and take care of, but instead attracting someone who meets me at the same intensity of love that I have to offer. I have chosen to use my Tantra practice recently as a means of facing the deep pain of the abuse from my childhood, and re-enter therapy with a specialist who treats specifically adults who were abused as children. I am now writing my story; my wild, vivacious, entertaining and dramatic story of going from a healthy relationship in high school, to the past 5 seriously abusive relationships, the start of my spiritual journey and more recently, how Tantra has been a God send and a miracle for me in my Healing.

I am still offering these amazing sessions in Tantra, as I use Tantra as a tool for empowerment, love, and full body expression and bliss. This is the reason for my choosing to help others find a way to start a spiritual path. This journey of spiritual healing has been a savior to me on a million levels and I have a very wild, entertaining and powerful healing story to share. My hope is that in writing my story, I will continue the process of writing it, and in the end, have a book to publish!

Tantra is a path that gives us tools to heal ourselves, love ourselves and receive love from another. Tantra is Intimacy at its deepest level, and the more we face our dark sides in what it is we are struggling with and facing on the inside, the more our outside world receives the benefit. Tantra is a gift to life, and with the right knowledge and education in how to use it, can create miracles in yours. There is no greater form of healing than intimacy and love, and with the breath, we can move deeper into love and deeper into intimacy. Sometimes what we first think is our greatest fear, ends up being our greatest pleasure!

See my Intimacy Therapy, Intimacy Coaching, Hug Therapy, Tantra Shamanic Breathwork, Kundalini Awakening Breathwork, Awakening Tantra Consciousness and more Tantra practices on my professional website on the page Awaken To Bliss. These practices, in my opinion, are the most powerful, and have contributed to my own journey in the most profound ways!


My spiritual blog is here!
I'm also on facebook at www.facebook.com/asttartedeva

Updating Updates - The Joy of Full Expression!

Hello fellow tantrikas, and pursuers on the path! I have been adding to my website AwakenToLiving like it was my own flesh and blood. After completing the Landmark Curriculum for Living, my desire of full expression has fully manifested in my long time desire of writing! I have updated many things on my site, added deeper descriptions for potential understanding, a more thorough outline of the style of healing I desire offering, and have tapped into allowing for expression in types of techniques I have offered all along, but never had the words for.

You are welcome to read all of my updates, only those on the Awaken To Bliss page, or just browse as you feel so inspired.

I have been evolving as a person and in doing so, my insight as a Practitioner is accelerating, becoming more professional, and given me the space to see what is important to me, what is not, and given me room to offer a bigger picture of what this work is truly about.

I have taken on this path, which started in 1996, and used it to expand my psychic and intuitive gifts, then studied extensively different modalities of massage, and then merged these basic principals as well as important and advanced ones, with the very dark and confused understanding of Tantra. My goal is to educate others in the power of healing on all of these levels, and with my commitment to this work, I hope to not only give people a sense of relief in a one time moment, but to help them start a journey of empowerment, deep love, and ignite the possibility of a spiritual awakening!

All my Love to you,

Asttarte

Hug Therapy

"Hugs are innocent, natural, fun and Healing! Everyone needs a hug, but an extended hug from a Tantra Practitioner, offers a world of opportunities!"

Sessions in Hug Therapy open many possibilities in yourself and in your life. It can help lift a weight of stress on your entire body, release energy blocks, slowly awaken a heart that was once closed, and allow for healing any emotions that are at the surface and ready to be released. It can also fulfill a deep need to be touched, nurtured or supported by the simple act of affection of a hug. These sessions help you learn how to breathe deeply, so as to allow the hug in and you begin to feel safe in allowing yourself to be loved, as well as feel safe in allowing yourself to love another; the act of giving and receiving balances yourself to what had blocked you from offering yourself, or being taken care of before. The act of Hugging over an extended period of time creates feelings in oneself that you are deserving, worth being loved, and helps you to remember that you are completely capable of loving another.

Hug Therapy is a very powerful experience, especially when done by someone who accepts you unconditionally. Like a therapist who loves you and supports you no matter what you are going through; as a Tantra Practitioner, my heart is open to loving you, and allowing whatever feelings that come up to be supported and nurtured in the moment. Hug Therapy also opens blocks in your ability to fully express yourself, communicate what you have kept secret, gives you the ability to trust your feelings that what matters to you is truly important, and your ability in expressing yourself through whatever way matters to you; art, writing, singing, dancing, intimacy, sex, etc. is allowed to be released and let free once again!

See the addition to my site Asttarte Deva!

Poem for Pleasure

Pleasure With All Your Clothes On

Empower yourself
Awaken Your Body
Awaken Your Mind
With your Breath
Your Breath Alone
Your Breath
Breathe, into stillness
Breathe into bliss
Breathe into your pain
Breathe into yourself
And watch, notice, feel
All of your sensations heightened
Feel all of you
Awake
Excitement of your senses
Be in touch with spirit
Let your spirit be touched
Your breath is the miracle to your healing
Your breath is the miracle to your pain
Your breath is the miracle to your pleasure
Full body, standing alone, all your clothes on kind of pleasure
Just stand and watch yourself be ignited with pleasure
As you breathe into your own ecstasy of the divine......
SO simple
Yet, so profound.

With Love, Asttarte