letter to a friend:
Tantra is about being with the moment - not judging negative emotions as something bad, or wrong or being afraid them, but rather using them as tools to go deeper into the psyche, the unconscious, to create more love and presence in the moment to what is. While in the presence of your beloved, as you see she is perhaps angry or sad, instead of yelling at her or being upset that she is angry or sad, just letting her be sad, letting her be mad, and being a witness, loving her through her pain, so the pain can eventually depart - release and let go - by having been present to the pain, holding consciousness to it, accepting it, allowing it to be heard, seen, and accepted will ultimately allow it to leave. This then will allow the other to trust, feel loved, and feel a deeper connection to herself, to you and to everything all around her.
Just like when you go to get a massage, the MT does not force the muscles to relax and release the tightness. The MT holds loving presence to the pain, the tightness, the area where the body is holding stress - and as this area is accepted as it is, knows it is loved, it can feel the ability to expand itself, and in that expansion, it can be vulnerable, release what it was holding onto, and let it go, and then the tightness, the pain, surrenders and releases.
A book you might like is called The Joy of Feeling, by Iona Marsaa Teegarden. It is from my Jin Shin Do Bodymind Acupressure training, and has a lot of Psychotherapy, Taoism, Chi, Energy Psychology, and methods for releasing trauma, pain and deep held emotions. It is not a book on tantra, but this is the basis for tantra. It's a way of using Body-Mind Consciousness to empower, grow, and heal.
Yes, I know that the journey of life is not about always healing, but when things come up, and you can be a witness to them, it allows the patterns to change, so the dynamic and magnetism to unhealthy situations clear their layers and more loving situations, experiences, and people are then drawn to you.
Having been raped as a child, and again as an adult, I would not have healed or recovered by controlling my feelings, but instead letting myself feel whatever it is, so I can shift into deeper love - of love, forgiveness and acceptance to everything that has happened to me and live a life of love through transforming the darkness that happened before. Transforming the present allows the past to be transformed as well, and connection to the divine just happens. As I allow myself to be who I really am, the real me underneath the outer shell can be revealed and be free! And every moment is an opportunity to allow that freedom to be experienced!
We all have had stress in our lives, and in our childhood that stress carries over into our adulthood, the relationships with our friends, lovers and co-workers, and as you suppress your feelings only more pain manifests, but as you allow the pain in the present to be revealed through loving presence, all the pain from the past can be transformed as well.
Perhaps we have similar goals, but the journey to getting there is just different, or the description has different words, but the love in the end is the same!
Another book you might like is called: The Wisdom of Listening, or any book by David Deida or Osho.