If you are truly on the path of tantra, you will not find it an easy journey. It is actually the most challenging, difficult and psychologically draining journey you could ever possibly travel on. You go from the absolute extreme emotions of utter bliss, ecstasy, full body whales of sighing passion to the deepest and most dark places of sadness, gloom, misery, depression, releasing whatever and wherever emotions that have been pulled up from the deepest core inside of yourself.
It took me 5 years of being on this Tantra Path to put words to this journey, but a warning or perhaps a reminder, that this is, if you choose to truly embark on the depth of what tantra offers you, the most challenging journey you could travel.
(Meaning if you truly do the tantra practices exactly as they are meant to be done. There are milder versions of them if you are not ready, which I teach as well, but being a Goddess and Tantra Practitioner, I don't play small. I dive in and do them exactly as they are meant to be done. Yes, I used to have that old sticker on my car as a teenager and young 20s girl NO FEAR! Well, you literally have to have No Fear when you dive into Tantra, because diving into tantra IS like diving into the deep end of a pool, your own pool that is of your own self; the shadow self of the unconscious mind.)
I was in this blissful place over the summer. I was feeling really good, excited about life, making goals and starting to work on them (i.e. one of them was to start a Tantra Community here in Philadelphia with a huge list of details to go underneath it to make it happen). I was in the SELP course through Landmark Education. I was doing my private sessions to the best of my ability with a 3 day a week schedule from taking care of my toddler half the week. I was pretty much high on life. And, then, all of a sudden, I made a drastic decision. I decided to go to my semi-annual Tantra Community event with my tantra family. We met in NY in the middle of nowhere, 2 hours west of the city, at this bed and breakfast place. There was about 35 or 40 people total at this event. It was pretty cold, and few wanted to drive (I was one of maybe 4 or five people who drove), and the rest took a shuttle bus from NY city. Some flew in from out West; actually most flew in from AZ, CA, and other places in the US. But this is my tantra family, or what I consider my tantra family, and I wanted to be with them.
The cat that threw my reality off kilter was my beloved, amazing that is, Tantra Teacher & Practitioner, Lawrence Lanoff. This guy is the most evolved man I have met on this planet. Talk about wisdom and transformation. If you want to change anything in your life, and throw yourself into a gutter of darkness to face whatever patterns have kept you from avoiding the reason why you are miserable or frustrated in your current situation; this guy will throw you off your rocker and turn your whole world around. That's what he did for me; in the mildest of expressions!!!! I did a breathwork exercise with him in NY, this past Oct. And, every time I go to a Conference, he leads a new breathwork exercise I learn at the conference, usually in Sedona, AZ in the spring and somewhere on the East Coast in the fall. And, he blows my mind; literally. Now, what's good is that I can take these teachings and then turn them over and teach them all to you, which I have done over the years, but this time, his teaching, and my taking it on, threw me in a whirlwind, of the deepest depression I have ever been in my life. I went into my own darkness. It's the core of the pit of your own armoring that is carrying your body frame in its particular way of holding patterns, the way you walk, your mannerisms, the way you stand and hold your posture, the way your head turns on a certain angle and how you look at the world and how the world then looks at you. ALL OF THIS, LET ME TELL YOU COMPLETELY CHANGES FROM WORKING WITH THIS MAN!!!
I then did my powerful Tantra Breathwork, which I call Tantra Psychotherapy, practices of Tantra I learned from Laurie Handlers, years ago, to release all of the deep emotions that came up from Lawrence Lanoff's powerful tantra breathwork exercise. Now, each of the breathing exercises are COMPLETELY different, and they all do completely different things!!! How do you compute that? Well, if you really tried it, you would know what I'm talking about!!! So, I used Laurie's Butterfly Workshops Tantra exercises to release what came up (rage, sadness, depression, sorrow, misery, confusion, paranoia, etc), which took about 2 months of doing all these practices religiously and then 3 days ago did Lawrence Lanoff's powerful breathing practice again, and WHAMMMM, would you know, I am feeling wildly passionate, energetic and open as ever again. Like the tiger prowess coming back to life. This Tantra path makes you think you have some serious emotional issues, but in actuality, what it does it remove those serious emotional feelings that cause you to live in a rut and unhappy with your life. They appear to be even more powerful than Psychotherapy itself, but I will not negate psychotherapy at all; however, the combination is mind blowing, and if your heart is closed, you are living in fear, have some scars from abuse, or frustrated in a relationship, and you take tantra to heart, and truly use the practices to help you, it will not only help you. It will liberate your entire body, and your entire soul!
God Bless You, and I hope for you that you do the practices to empower yourself, but be sure to have a practitioner by your side, at the phone, or contact in any way you can for support while your life shows up in your face and makes you look at yourself at what you have been covering for years. You can heal your whole life with Tantra. I am living proof of that!
I am now back, alive, open, awake in my heart, body and soul! And, it feels damn good to be here!